Joyful Day

“Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.” 2 Corinthians 4:1

I rarely dream, but quite vividly there were children in my dreams last night.  An 8-year-old named Wendy Daisy and her baby sister Emily.  I feel like it’s a recurring dream, like last night was the second episode.  Both times, I snuck into Wendy’s room at night and sat there praying for her and holding Emily until Wendy woke up, and then we talked a little before I put Emily in her crib and rushed out so their parents would not catch me, a total stranger, in their home.  They were so real, I thought about them on my bike ride to work.

Every few months comes a really bad day, traumatic in some way, like someone bleeding out all over the floor, or someone threatening suicide, or someone falling out of bed and dying suddenly.  I almost never cry.  But today I cried uncontrollably and for hours.

It started out insane and just got worse.  The computers were down because of a fire in the building where our server resides, so no one knew what was going on or could communicate very well.   When I arrived, one of my patient’s blood pressure was dropping and no one could get an IV in so we couldn’t do much to help her.  Somehow the controls on her bed had failed to work too, so I found her slanted with her head down- and stuck that way.  Thankfully, that’s where she needed to be with a low pressure, so I made sure she was ok (at least temporarily ok…) and dove right in to checking the other patients.

Down the hall, I began taking vitals on the next one.  She was 18 weeks along when she found out she was pregnant.   Young, and with too many other children, she wanted to get rid of the baby.  Some other health issues in the next few weeks caused her to come to the hospital, and that’s how I came to meet her.  I heard the story during report in the morning- how she had an appointment to take care of it in 4 days if she was stable and out of the hospital.  She slept through vitals, and for the rest of the morning seemed to be busy when I passed by, talking to the resident, the social worker, or on the phone.  The resident came out and said they were going to do an induction, a 3 day process.  I was sad, and told the resident so, but I didn’t really understand what they were planning to do, I was not familiar with the procedure.  I wanted to talk to the patient, make an attempt to talk her out of it, and I just assumed that when the craziness of the morning slowed down I would have an opportunity.  The problem was that it never slowed down.

When I went in to hang a new bag of her medication, the OB was with her, talking about tubal ligation.  She refused it.  During their conversation a transporter arrived to take her to Ultrasound.  He whisked her away as I hurried around doing innumerable other things for my other 3 patients: sent slanted-bed lady down to get an IV placed in her neck, gave antibiotics, paged Dr. twice, charted meds and pain re-assessments…ran around until I was ready to pass out from low blood sugar and left many more things unfinished to go downstairs for lunch.

It hit me when I sat down to eat, and the crying started.  A beautiful child possibly dying while I was sitting there eating yogurt…  I hadn’t had a chance to say anything, not a single thing.  22 weeks old.  My friend delivered a baby prematurely just a few weeks older than that and she is a happy thriving beautiful little girl now.  I would adopt a baby now, in an instant, as a single person, if it meant saving its life, and I hadn’t even had a chance to offer that.  I prayed that God would cover this baby with the blood of Jesus so that it could go to be with Him.  I wondered if it had already gone.

She returned from ultrasound just as her brother arrived with her oldest child, a darling little 6-year-old.  He smiled, shyly told me his name when I asked, and then sat quietly playing games on someone’s phone while his mom showered and I changed her sheets.  He did not know that 20 minutes before, she had chosen to have a tiny needle stuck into her tummy, straight into her baby’s heart, injecting a lethal dose of potassium.  Maybe he didn’t even know that he had another brother or sister.  Hopefully he will not have to be around when his mom delivers the dead baby in a day or two.

I still don’t know what to do with this.  After hours of crying I finally stopped to think and remember that God is sovreign: He numbers the hairs on our heads, He knows when a sparrow falls, He created this child and ordained its 22 weeks of life.  He is also good: He came into the world to proclaim the truth about Himself, to be killed- taking the penalty for every selfish thought, every action born out of people worshipping convenience and image and comfort more than Him, and then to rise again triumphing over death- a promise of the eternal life that He bought for us with His life.  I pray that this child will enjoy that, enjoy God, without knowing the sorrows of this broken world.  I pray for its mom too, that she will find hope, forgiveness, redemption by Jesus’ blood, so she can see her child again and know God.

I did not open a single present on Christmas, yet I feel like I was given more than I could ever imagine or ask for.  God richly blessed me with a sweet family in Christ to celebrate with and answered so many prayers that day.

My birthday today began with the reminder again that the best gifts are the ones from God, and are often not tangible.  I was scheduled to work, and at 5:55am my work called and said I could have the day off!!!!!  Yay!!  Time is an awesome gift from God, a sweet opportunity to rest and reflect on the past year and the year to come.

So 5 minutes later I was dressed and driving with Brittany to morning prayer, another of my favorite things that work usually prohibits me from doing.  We meditated on thanking God for His righteousness.  How great it is to worship a God who is always right, who does and says nothing out of mean or selfish motives.  He is Lord over everything.  We pored over Psalm 95 and I saw something beautiful: a call to worship and give thanks with song, a reminder of the greatness of creation, a call to bow and kneel to a God who shepherds us, and a reminder to not harden our hearts when we hear His voice.  A call to not test God, but instead to remember what He has done, how He has been faithful in the past.

In the beautiful, living words of God, I was overcome with joy.  This week I had to give up something I wanted because God had spoken and He is Lord.  I was tempted to ignore His voice and “test” Him, but I acted in obedience even though part of  me was pulling in the other direction.  I remember the fruit of obedience in this area, I remember how He has so faithfully protected and provided for me in the past, and I’m thankful that His Spirit is stronger than my flesh and my rebellion against His voice.

The Holy Spirit is the best birthday gift ever.  Sitting on my living room floor when I got home, I got to play guitar and sing praises to Jesus, for His death on the cross, for reconciliation and redemption, for God’s strength triumphing over everything in me that opposes Him.  I am overflowing with joy.

My birthday wish and prayer is that this year will be a year of joy.  That it will be overwhelmingly more than any other year yet, that my joy will overflow in seeing God in His Word, in ministry, and in answers to prayer.  I’m excited to commit to praying for people specifically in order to see God work and answer and reveal Himself.

I worship You

I give thanks to You

My life is not my own

You are the source of my joy

Today is my sabbath and I woke up to the rare treat of snow falling.  The buses did not come up the hill, and after waiting a while in the snowy blizzard, Brittany and Aileen came back home.  Determined to get them to work, we bundled up and set out on a slippery snowy adventure in Aileen’s car.  I got to practice my long forgotten Idaho snow driving skills…plenty of “turning into the slide”.  We had a great slide off Denny way, but somehow gained control and made it up the hill to get Brittany to Virginia Mason.  Then it was back down to 2nd and Union, almost turning the wrong way down a one-way due to the crazy lack of visibility.  The most providential was safely getting back up to the top of Queen Anne.  God totally answered prayers and got me home, slipping all the way, but somehow missing all the parked cars!!!

The view from my front door

Any beautiful day necessitates a walk to Kerry Park for the view

I thank God for them!!

LeEllen started coming to our church when I was in high school.  My friends and I called her “glamour girl” because she always had beautiful dresses and makeup.  She was tall and beautiful, and her spirit was so warm, inviting, and incredibly loving that we all wanted to be like her. 

I don’t remember LeEllen before she was dating Jeff.  We always kinda smiled because he was just a bit shorter than her.  He was young in his faith when we first met him and would come to our house for Bible studies and ask awesome questions.  Jeff was a great listener and he loved God passionately.  While they were dating, our family went camping with them in the Seven Devils mountains in Idaho.  It was so fun hiking and hanging out with them even though they were at least 10 years older than me.  They both loved me well by listening and sharing their lives openly.  We had some great talks in those mountains.  I remember LeEllen talking about dental floss.  I’m sure she was the most loving dental hygienist that ever existed, she was a patient teacher and so enthusiastic.

My junior year of high school, Jeff and LeEllen got married.  My mom and I helped at their gift table.  It was a sweet ceremony with a time in the middle where people in the audience stood up and shared blessings, memories, compliments, and encouragement.  They were filled with joy.  After the ceremony and reception, we hung around with their parents and siblings to watch them open wedding gifts.  It was the only time I’ve ever seen that, and it was super fun.  I was honored to be included in that.

I graduated from high school, went through college, and moved to Seattle.  Through those years whenever I saw them, they consistently loved me by asking good questions, listening well, and sharing wisdom and truth about the love of God.  The day after I turned 25, a friend and I celebrated New Years at their house with Jeff’s awesome Italian parents.  We laughed lots and enjoyed their 2 sweet little boys Peter and Alex.

I don’t remember when LeEllen was diagnosed with Lymphoma.  I just know it’s been a long long road.  The first time, she went through chemo and went into remission.  Then, in the past year, it has come back and progressed despite various treatments and multiple trips out of state and country for more treatment options.

This picture was taken in May when I went home for my brother Will’s baptism.  Jeff, LeEllen and their 2 boys Peter (7) and Alex (5) came to witness and celebrate with us.  We hung out by the river where he was baptized for a long time afterwards catching up on life.  LeEllen was more sweet and beautiful than ever.  She and Jeff told about how her struggle changed drastically after visiting a church in California.  A woman who was a total stranger asked to pray with her there, and through that prayer and conversation, she saw the value, beauty, and glory of God more clearly than ever before.  In the years and months struggling with cancer, she wrestled with God, wanting to live to take care of her boys, wondering why her? and why this?  In that time of prayer she grasped the goodness and sovreignty of God, she trusted Him and surrendered her life completely to Him.  The questions remained unanswered but the wrestling was done.  He is good, He is who He says, He Himself suffered, sacrificed, and died because He loves us too much to let us die eternally, He wants to be with us forever.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”  Psalm 42:5

I am so thankful that I have known LeEllen, thankful that I have seen Christ so clearly through her, in her marriage to Jeff, in her incredible faith and her rejoicing in sharing in the sufferings of Christ.

One night we left the conference early and drove up to the top of one of the many hills surrounding Vizag.  Here is the sunset at the Bay of Bengal.

There were multiple temples on top of the hill in addition to these massive “gods”.  Like many other things we saw, this reminded me of the “high places” in the Old Testament.

Vizag at Sunset

More photos from Nepal:

For the second day of immunizations, we decided to make cookies for the kids.

Then met up with the Nepali nurse/pharmacist to get ready

Then it was shot time….

Sore arms, yummy cookies…

Then we taught them about toothbrushing and they each got their own toothbrushes.

We arrived in India after a whirlwind four days in Thailand.  The time there was awesome.  We attended a church planters conference where pastors from Thailand, Burma, Nepal, Japan, and India came to learn about planting churches.  All day long we listened to talks, had tea with people from various countries and heard about their stories and ministries.  After the conference each day, we tried to pack in a little of Thailand: Thai massage, tour of the children’s homes and Christian school there, shopping at the bazaar, and a night safari.  As a result, we did not get enough sleep the whole time we were there, but enjoyed the time and learned soooo much.  Especially entertaining to us was the Thai language.  Ask me for impressions when I get home:)

Vizag India is a sprawling city of 3 million, reclining right on the Bay of Bengal.   It is the cool season of the year, but it is still probably in the 80s and 90s each day, and quite humid.  There are huge green hills all around the city with bright red clay dirt.  Last night we went to the beach and ran on the sand, chasing waves and crabs.  There was a military memorial at the beach with a fighter plane, missile, and submarine, all decorated with light.  We asked Arjuna about it when we got home and with great delight he told us about how India sank a submarine that the US has sold to Pakistan, and won a war against Pakistan in 1971.

Staying with Arjuna and Raji has been so much fun, and to our great delight, Grace-the wife of one of the Nigerian pastors is also staying here with us.  We are learning all about Nigerian cooking, cultural customs, and about the incredible corruption in the Nigerian government with everything from electricity to higher education. At the same time, we are experiencing firsthand some of the very interesting aspects of Indian culture.  It is really really fun to eat with our hands!!!!!  I always loved that anyway, but I never have squished rice with my fingers before, it really blends the flavors nicely.  I love having tea all the time, and it’s quite entertaining to experience Indian TV.

I am still trying to wrap my mind and heart around the caste system here.  It is the structure of their society, the framework that everyone operates within.  As Christians, they cannot instantly throw out the entire framework or people would lose their functional identities that allow them to work well, support themselves, etc within this society.  Church was cool because people of all different castes came together to worship.  This is a great first step and I’m encouraged by it.  Still, it’s strange to be driven around by their private chauffeur, and not doing the dishes because someone from the dishwashing caste needed a job and is out in the courtyard washing all our dinner dishes.  As Christians operating within this framework, they treat all people as image bearers of God by paying them well, treating them with kindness, and trusting them with much once they have proven trustworthy.  Pray for the people in India, first that they would be delivered from the ugly demonic idols that they worship on the roadside, second that as they are set free, they will begin to love their fellow humans like Jesus loves them.

Yesterday, we went to the campus of Vision Nationals, the organization that Arjuna started.  Out of the city a little ways, it is quiet and peaceful with green palms surrounding the three story white buildings with beautiful marble floors.  They have an administration building, a dormitory that houses the 50 Bible college students and the 150 orphans that they have taken in to their “children’s home”, and a cafeteria with classrooms above.  Across the campus are all the 1 story open air buildings that are the children’s classrooms.  This year they opened their Christian school to the public and spent the first few weeks of the school year scrambling to hire more teachers because of the overwhelming response that they got.

Four of the US pastors who spoke in Thailand came along to India where another very similar church planting conference is happening at Vision Nationals.  Joining them to teach are 2 pastors from Nigeria who preached at the church we attended sunday, much to our delight!!!  This time, pastors from all over the state of Andra Pradesh and the 50 Bible college students are attending, probably about 200 total.  It has been fun to hang out with and learn from these amazing teachers.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for our health, God has answered your prayers and we have felt great since we left Nepal!!!  Please continue to pray for that in the next 5 days.  I’m so excited about all that I’ve been learning through the great teaching I’ve received in the past week.  Please pray that I would have clarity to prioritize and perseverance in following through with the things I’d like to apply to life back in Seattle.

Two days ago, we took off for Dolokha, a mountainous region outside of Kathmandu where Vision Nationals has a church plant.

This is the truck we rode in. Joel and Sue, the couple we are staying with, sat in front with the driver, Lauren and I and their sons Isaac (11) and Elliot (10) squished into the back seat, and the 2 Nepali pastors sat in the open back of the truck. Then it was 5 hours up and down over winding mountain roads, breathing in the terrible exhaust that is characteristic of Nepali air… we felt bad for the pastors in the back. Once we were far out in the mountains, the air was clear and it was some of the most spectacular scenery: rice and mustard fields, aqua blue rivers, and amazing mountain peaks.

We finally arrived in the village of Charikote in the dark, welcomed by hanging lights, candles, and singing up and down the streets for day 3 of the festival of Tihar (worship yourself day). We were exhausted from traveling and went to bed after eating.  As we were falling asleep, we heard groups of men singing loudly in the streets, and then we were awakened at 4:30 am by the loud dissonant honking of a horn-like instrument and incessant crashing of cymbals right outside our hotel. For the rest of the day, these “musicians” roamed the streets of the town, playing at every house and business.  I nicknamed the band “The Terrible Carolers.”

As I lay there awake, listening to the din, I thought about how fitting it was that such racket should happen on “Worship Yourself Day”. It was a real example of how our life looks and sounds to the people around us when we are not considering others but just thinking about ourselves.

Lauren was awake too (most likely along with everyone else who lived on the street), so we sat up and prayed for the village, for the many lost people, for the work of God there, and for Joel and pastor Samuel who had to preach in a few short hours and were obviously not sleeping well.

In the morning, we walked up to the church plant on the hill and saw spectacular views of the region.

When we arrived at the church, Lauren got to film the local pastor sharing his testimony. He had been living in Kathmandu with a successful business raising pigs. His life spiraled out of control when over 3/4 of his herd died unexpectedly, he was stressed out and his kids were hanging out with the wrong people and into drugs. He started going to Pastor Samuel’s church in Kathmandu and gave his life to Christ. In the next 2 years, he grew immensely in his faith, his family all became believers, and God called him back to his home village to plant a church. The church in Kathmandu gave him a cow to get him started in his church plant. Getting outside support to do full-time ministry is not trusted or respected by the Nepali people, so having a profession, selling the cow’s milk, was a way that this family could establish respect in the community and support themselves.  Since the pastor started the ministry there 3 years ago, the cow has had a baby and is pregnant again.  Praise God for providing in that way!!!!  Here he is with the cows.